primul meu discurs in engleza

Hello. For those of you who don’t know my name yet, and this is really possible since here we all feel free to discuss about almost everything without knowing one’s name, my name is Madalina. As I came here this morning, taking the subway, I heard a conversation that is related to what I want to talk about. There was a woman saying that her husband is dominating her, and the friend said loud and clear: “They still believe that they are superior to us. I mean, haven’t we proved them that we have the same rights?” This made me wander: isn’t there a certain point when a woman dictates to a man what he has to do? Isn’t there something that makes us superior? I found it in the nonverbal communication between lovers, kissing, to be precise.
First, I will explain to you what nonverbal communication means and what category of communication kissing is considered to be. Secondly, I will speak about three different facial expressions that a woman can adopt before a kiss to happen and finally, I’ll point out why these things are not noticed by the members of the androgen.
Do you remember the mute-films with Charlie Chaplin or with Laurel and Hardy , the hilarious couple that made us laugh and crawl till we had stomach-aches? I bet you do. Do you remember why they were so funny? It wasn’t because of what they said, but because of what they were doing, because of their movements, gestures and facial expressions. This is nonverbal communication, this is what makes us understand the true meaning of an action, and this is what we need to understand in order to make our beloved partner happy. Or is it? Let me tell you something: in the book “Communication”, Christian Baylon and Xavier Mignot said: “The first messengers of a human being are actually nonverbal: it is about gestures, smiles, eye-contact between mother and child”. We all know what that means, do we? Basically, when we talk about nonverbal communication we refer to kinemes, gestural units covered in signification, as Louis Forsdale defined them. A kiss is a kineme in the tactile nonverbal communication. It is a ritual touch in a private zone. The private zone is a portion of the personal space, where we accept only intimate persons. Desmons Morris declared that this is the most sensitive area, because we feel really uncomfortable when a stranger invades it. And we all tried this at least once in your life time, during the rush-hour (actually, hours if we speak about Romania) in the subway, when people are squeezed to fit a million in small box. This area is propitious only for tactile and olfactory communication, so the area for kissing. And I don’t believe that I have to give examples here. I mean, this is something natural and habitual for our age, right?
The next problem I want to discuss is the different facial expressions adopted by the woman, the dominator in the process of kissing. That brings in the study that A. Kendon made with young couples kissing in the park. The conclusion was that the ritual of kissing is dominated by the woman, who transmitted unconscious signals which granted the man the access or not. He named these expressions with their French name, but since my second language in hi-school was German, you’ll have to excuse my pronunciation if it sounds a little bit like this: Der erste Gesichtsausdruck heisste…. And now comes the French word. If you wander what I have said, it’s how the first facial expression is called. This being said, we can move on to the core of my speech. He identified the position called sourire ferme, characterized by relaxed eye-brows, open eyes, and the mouth shut, with the lips tighten together, and the upper one being receded like during a smile, its name coming from here. This facial expression is the free-pass document, since the male doesn’t dare to kiss his partner until he receives it. But if the woman adopts the posture where she frowns the eye-brows and smiles with the mouth slightly open, he doesn’t have the right to kiss her. Happily for me, he didn’t name this position. And if she closes her eyes, lifts her eye-brows and open her mouth, with edges pointed down, and I believe that we all know this position and what it means, expressions known by visage revuer, he has to understand that she expects a long, passionate, romantic kiss. Let me give an illustrative example: have anyone seen the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s? If you were something like me, you would have seen it. Audrey Hepburn playing Holly Golightly, the craziest heroine who ever crept between the pages of a best-selling novel meets George Peppard as Paul Varjak, the one who will capture her heart and make her prisoner in love. They start out as good friends but end up spending a romantic day in the city, doing what they’ve never done before. At the end of the day they kiss. But still, the most important thing is not the kiss; trust me, but the nonverbal communication and how the kiss happens. During the eye-contact in the stairway, the woman passes through the 3 facial expressions: when she takes off the mask, she smiles with the eye-brows tensed and the mouth half-open, when she looks in his eyes, she relaxes the eye-brows and smile with the mouth closed and finally closes her eyes, waiting for the kiss that will mark her relationship. Isn’t this romantic?
I’m sure it is, but let’s move on to my last argument: why didn’t we know these things? First, I need to ask you something: do you remember how does a kiss come? What to you do to provoke it? Of course you don’t, because all of these things are not part of your conscious mind. This happens in the unconscious, this is sent there, and this is not wanted voluntarily. We are afraid to recognize that we, women, are capable of such a thing. We prefer men taller than us, because we like to be dominated, this is the truth. We like to take his name after getting married, we like being protected and loved and charmed, just being a part of him. That’s why we appeal to the so called stolen-kisses. You’ll find plenty of examples in Gone with the wind. Take it as an exercise. Watch the movie and try to find in every kiss the impulse that Scarlet gave to his partner. You’ll find something wonderful in the scene when Rhett decides to go to the war: a stolen kiss. There isn’t anything falser than a stolen kiss. We have this power of making a man kiss us or not. And we have to know how to use this power. I’m sorry guys, but this is true.
Let me briefly take a look over what I said: I’ve explained what nonverbal communication means, I’ve presented you the facial expresses that act on a man, you remember the French words, and then I’ve brought in discussion the unconscious mind. What I was trying to say is that nonverbal communication is a part of our life, a very important part. It can write the scenario of our future. It can trigger happiness or sadness. The only thing left to say is: don’t misjudge it! Do not take it as a thing that can happen, but make it happen just the way you want it to happen.